Denial
by Nashvillefan
Summary: My take on what Deacon and Rayna thought about their interactions in New York. :) one-shot.


*This is my take on the Rayna and Deacon interactions from episode 1x16. What are they both really thinking?

New York City

Rayna was so excited to have the girls here with her. They were on the way out of the hotel when Daphne spotted Deacon climbing out of a cab.

"Deacon!" She exclaimed, running excitedly toward him, with Maddie following closely behind.

"Hey, how y'all doin?"

Rayna's first observation had been on the dog he had cradled in his arms.

"Deacon has a dog?"  
"Apparently," Tandy responded.

Rayna's eyes quickly diverted to the blonde that followed him out of the cab.

"This is Maddie, Daphne, and Rayna Jaymes, and her sister Tandy. Y'all this is Stacey."

Rayna reached out to shake her hand, hit with an underlying level of uncertainty. Deacon's face told her he was uncomfortable and his lack of eye contact reassured her that this woman wasn't just a friend. But knowing Deacon, he wouldn't be forthcoming with any information.

"Nice to meet you, are y'all workin together?"  
"Um no, uh," Deacon stammered.  
"I'm his girlfriend."  
"Yeah, she's my, my girlfriend," Deacon nodded.

The words hit Rayna like a ton of bricks. Putting on her best brave face, she needed to make a quick exit.

"Girlfriend," Rayna muttered under her breath, "Well, we're goin to get some Chinese food. So we will catch y'all later. Nice to meet you," Rayna nodded toward Stacey.  
"Bye y'all," Deacon replied, avoiding Rayna's gaze.

After the first nights show:

Rayna finished her performance and made her way down the stage steps. Maddie embraced her with a hug. She had pretended not to be bothered by what she had witnessed at the side stage. Deacon's arms around both Maddie and Stacey. It had nearly made her breathless mid-song.

Deacon stood there smiling, "Mama sounded good huh?"

"Yeah!" Maddie squealed. "I like your new girlfriend bye the way."  
"Thanks," Deacon beamed, once again avoiding Rayna's gaze.  
"Yeah, she seems nice," Rayna added, "must be serious, a dog and the whole thing huh?"  
"It might be," he smiled as they passed each other.

2 hrs later:

Rayna was finally ready to head up to the room with the girls. She made her way through the crowd, right into the eyeline of Stacey.

"Hey," Rayna greeted through a forced smile.  
"Great show," she paused.  
"Thanks," Rayna smiled at her  
Stacey paused, "So you and Deacon used to date?"  
"Oh, like a million years ago," smiling, she nodded again, "so how did y'all meet?"  
"I'm a vet so, through his dog."  
"In Nashville?"  
"Yeah, I've been there about five weeks and I'm loving it so far."  
"Oh okay. That's great," she paused again, "Well, I gotta go. Nice to see you again," she smiled making her exit.

Once again, Rayna avoided Deacon's gaze as they passed one another. As Deacon filled her place, he could see the awkward expression both women were wearing. He knew the questions about Rayna were coming. He did his best to reassure Stacey it was history, but his attempt was more in the way of convincing himself for the time being.

Sound check, day 2:

Deacon heard the music, unfamiliar to his ears, from down the hall. It certainly was not Rayna singing. As he entered side stage, the sight nearly took his breath away. Those two girls stole the stage and he couldn't help but beam with pride, one seemingly unreserved for him, but he didn't care. Then his eyes drifted to Rayna. He could see the emotion on her face. He could also tell she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. He couldn't help but think part of that was because of him. He stood watching and finally wanted to make his presence known. He joined in with the rest of the crowd.

"Ho," he smiled, staring at Rayna, speaking loud enough so she heard him.  
"Hey," she smiled back, meeting his gaze. But that was all she could give him. She couldn't bear to look at him another second. If she did, she was going to crumble. And that simply wasn't possible.

When the girls finished the song, Tandy escorted them to craft services as Rayna finished the sound check. As she exited to backstage, she felt his eyes on her before she saw him. When he approached she took a deep breath.

"Wow Ray, those girls. They're amazing."  
"I know, what am I gonna do right?"  
"Yeah," he smiled, lingering just a moment.  
"Hey, Deacon. I really like Stacey," she paused, "I'm, uh, I'm happy for you."  
"Thanks Ray."

Deacon's perspective

_God that had been awkward_, Deacon thought to himself, as he and Stacey unpacked. He could tell by the expression on Rayna's face that she was hurt. He knew her well enough to know that. But, they hadn't discussed that kiss in the elevator. She had told him she wanted to do right by him. But since that moment, they had barely said hello to each other, much less have _that _conversation.

He hadn't expected anything to develop with Stacey. Coleman had hit the nail on the head. He was the one and done type. But they had blossomed. He enjoyed spending time with her. Being with Stacey was like coming up for fresh air. She wasn't in the industry. There was no long, drawn out, complicated history. And he enjoyed that. There was still that nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach however. He had purposely avoided Rayna since he started seeing Stacey, mainly because he knew that Rayna had such a hold of him. He truly was hooked on her.

And that had made his decision not to tell Stacey about her. He hadn't planned on her being brave enough to come right and ask Rayna either. In reality, he hadn't even thought of the two interacting at all on this trip. He was hoping he could continue to avoid Rayna. Because if he didn't see her, he wouldn't think about her. Hah, he thought to himself. Who was he kidding? But it had been a good idea. A good idea that had backfired.

He felt bad for not being honest with Stacey. And he felt bad about not being honest with Rayna. She had attempted to be honest with him. It was the least he could have done he supposed. But at the same time, a break from Rayna Jaymes wasn't a terrible thing. It was hard but not terrible. Although, every interaction they had had in the last two days had nearly broken his heart. He could see the pain in her eyes, the hurt from how he had let things happen. _If only I hadn't kissed her in that elevator _he thought_. No, that was another lie. That kiss, was release they had both been looking for over the course of twelve years. Well, had they actually gotten down to what they both wanted_, he thought, _that would have been the release they were looking for. Twelve years of sexual tension had culminated in that kiss. And they had both wanted more. A night full of passionate sex. Had Teddy not shown up, that would have happened and he wouldn't be having this internal debat_e. But Teddy had shown up.

So even if she was the only woman he had ever loved, things had changed. That didn't mean he didn't deserve some resemblance of happiness right now. And that didn't mean that just because she was single again, that they were supposed to fall right back into things. That pain in the pit of his stomach hit again. Admitting to himself that he still loved Rayna felt like he was betraying Stacey. Like he was lying to himself and her. And he knew deep down he was, that this would probably end, and that he would probably hurt her. But he wanted to hold on a little bit longer.

Rayna's perspective

Rayna sat in her dressing room waiting to begin the second nights show. _What the fuck_, _I'm happy for you,_ Rayna thought to herself. _When in the hell did he find a girlfriend anyway_? The nauseous feeling that had overcome her for the last day was growing more persistent. _This had to have been how Deacon had felt for the last twelve years._ Rayna couldn't believe it. Well, she could. He had kissed her in that elevator. She had invited him to her room, to do anything but talk. And then when Teddy showed up, she let it pass by. They didn't talk about it. Mainly because Rayna wanted to her honor her marriage and end it respectfully for the girls. She had attempted to give him a signal at his party. Telling him she wanted to do right by him. _Maybe she had only thought it in her head? No, she remembered the smile, the look of admiration and love he had given her._

Apparently that hadn't been enough. _I guess he had gotten tired of waiting for me to figure things out. Oh, who am I kidding_. _He had waited, pinned even, for twelve years. A couple more months had been too much? That was ridiculous_. And in one breath, Rayna went from upset to pissed. _He couldn't have reached out? He couldn't have asked me how I was doing? If I had thought about things, them_.

Oh who was she kidding. How selfish. She had done this, had created the space between them. She had been mistaken to have thought that he would understand and just hold on a little longer. That explained why he had been so distant the last month. He was putting distance between them so he could give this Stacey a fair shot. But she hadn't forgotten the uncertainty and the avoidance in his eyes on the street. She knew exactly why he had welcomed the space between them. Because he couldn't build a stable foundation with Stacey if she were in his life in any capacity. He had made that clear. _But then why had he gone out of his way at side stage when the girls performed?_

The realization made her smile, but also terrified her. What if he pushed her away to the point that he settled down with this woman? But then again, Rayna didn't know why she was so worried. Did she really want Deacon back? After everything? Could it really happen? Especially given Maddie. As much as she wanted to deny it, the answer was yes. She wanted him more than anything. But she needed to give him space. If after a month, the questions still lingered in his eyes, in due time, it would probably come to an end. Rayna knew she would just have to be patient.


End file.
